Thursday Thoughts

I have only been up for an hour or two but I woke up with a sore throat and am not feeling very well so at the start of the day I find myself battling a very grumpy attitude. My husband greeted me sweetly in a pleasant tone and my response was some sort of grunt. LOL. The puppy sis some business in the apartment and then as I tried to get my menu and grocery list together she decided to attack the boxes we have collected for packing. Now there are little bits of box all over the place. Our apartment officially went into packing stage yesterday which is exciting for sure! But how do you keep a tiny apartment organized while in the midst of packing? It just isn't working very well. LOL
We have our walk through's for the house scheduled. Both on Thursdays and the first one is two weeks from today. The 21st and the final one the 28th so it looks like we'll close on the 1st of November like we wanted. I don't have any more pictures yet because all of the changes are really happening on the inside which we don't get to see until Saturdays because the workers are there during the week and I don't want to bother them.
So, today I am trying to focus on the good things and a righteous attitude and the excitement I had on Monday for living an exciting life for Christ. I have to be honest though, at this very moment, it's a lot harder than on Monday. LOL

This week I have been filling in at different schools for people who are sick or in training and yesterday I was at a site that had over 200 kids in it's YMCA program! Insanity! But one thing I started doing this week is, while I'm driving connect my ipod to the stereo and have my music on. I recently found the scraps and scratch recordings of an album I didn't finish shortly after high school.
I listened to all of the songs and was transported back to the sad state that I was in when I wrote the songs. And thinking back on it now, it's sort of revelatory (Is that a word?) I was very honest in those writings, something that, at the time was quite opposite of my typical behavior. I was even honest with myself. Most of the songs had a way of telling the simple truth; I need God. I miss working with music. If I had the right connections and all that I needed to really produce an album I would use those old songs and compile an honest album called "Confessions of a Prodigal" I'm not proud of where I was but these songs remind me that at some point, I did understand what was wrong, what was missing. Even when I was pursuing MY dreams MY way and living MY life the way I wanted... I couldn't live with ME in command. Left to myself I will ruin everything.
And even if a person isn't quite as far in as I was, isn't that the truth for all of us? We have a savior because WE CAN'T SAVE OURSELVES!
We have a God who loves us and looks out for us because living our lives on our own is dangerous and produces very little.
One of these songs was just a revisit from a time before all my mess, where I just felt dry spiritually. Maybe because of the church or the people we were around but through that came a song called Oasis which is just about Christ being the water that sustains us in the dessert.
I still feel that way sometimes. Distant from God, wandering a dessert because my discipline is lacking... again.

I often wonder why God gives us certain passions. Why have I always wanted to sing? Even to a fault where I made it top priority above more important things... but where did that desire come from originally? God? Why? What's that for?
Why do I love to tell stories, create adventure, write novels? What does God want me to do with that? And why do I just love capturing life on film? I've always been a visual thinker, with images in my head, and now I find that "images" are a big part of my life and my next career move. What's God's plan for that?
And why couldn't I have just one thing that I really love? Why three? And what do I do with them? LOL Sometimes I wish God would give me a map for life! =)

Anyway, I'm off to the store.

Happy Thursday!