This past week has revealed a lot to me. A lot of my weaknesses and failings. And to be honest I got down on myself and moped a bit, but then I decided it was time to set new goals, and begin new beginnings, FRESH.
It's the perfect time of year for it too! Beginning of Fall (maybe related to school) always feels like a new start to me.
One of my biggest goals relates to every aspect of my life. I want to be more disciplined, focused, productive, etc.
As that relates to my spiritual life I feel I am far from where I'd like to be because I lack discipline in steady time in my word.
Ryan's reading a book right now called "A Praying Life" and he read an exert to me last night about how, without even realizing we sometimes come to God with a mask on. As if God doesn't see us for who we really are. It becomes so much a part of our life to make things seem a little better than they are that we do it with God too.
This has really helped me examine my spiritual life. And I am a wreck. I am lazy, unorganized, and unstructured and yet I desire all of those qualities.
I am a simple person when it comes to intelect. I prefer to read fiction over anything else, and most of the Bible is difficult for me to chew so it is a huge temptation for me to simply not read it. But then I think "Man, how did I drift so far away from God?" Hmm... well how do you expect to get closer to someone without getting to know them better on a regular basis.
So, my short term goals for reading my Bible is to start with Psalms and Proverbs. A Proverb in the morning, and several Psalms before bed. These chapters are easier for me to swallow and I need a good starting place.
I've also discovored that it's harder to love people as blindly as I did as a child. Ryan and I discussed how Jesus came for the sick and the sinners and ate with tax collectors and prostitutes.
I can be very judgemental of people. Especially people who subject their children to their sin. But I'm not God. I'm not here to judge, I'm supposed to be sharing the love of Jesus with these people; and not despite their sins but especially because of them. This is a hard one that I'm praying about and working on.
I find I am lacking discipline in house hold chores too... partially because I'm not as used to keeping up with a larger space like this and I miss things. I'm VERY good at keeping things picked up and looking good on the surface...(This is sounding like an unintentional metaphore.) But I just don't think about the deeper cleaning stuff naturally... YET. So, I'm going back to basics and making lists! I've also decided to stop watching TV and movies while Ryan is gone. It keeps me on track.
Another place that I have accidentally "let myself go" is my health/fitness. I used to be a lot more aware of the things I eat and should stay away from for the most part. But Ryan doesn't need to be careful about anything that he eats. It doesn't 'stick' to him like it does me. And finding meals we will both like and that I can feel real good about is HARD... and after a while I think I gave up.
We started going to the gym together too but in the midst of our house buying and other life distractions we stopped.
We don't own a scale right now but because of my biopsy I found out that I have gained 20 pounds in the last 6 and a half months! 20 pounds! That's just uncalled for.
So! I am taking advantage of my new YMCA membership and am planning a work out regemine and this week's goal is to go to a one hour fitness class every week day. So 5 hours of working out this week. Eventually I want to add Saturdays and work up from there. I'm trying to keep my focus more on working out and less on food but still be aware of what I'm putting in my body and try to keep it to more REAL/unprocessed food.
LesMills is a cool program offering several classes at the Y. The one I did this morning and plan to do more than the others is called BodyPump. It's a weight lifting class geared towards burning fat and toning muscles NOT gaining muscle or "bulking up". It's geared towards women and it was in a study at the university of Aukland that proved it was the fastest way to burn fat in a fitness class ever recorded. I do Body Pump every other work out day, and then a step class or combat or pilates class on the other days so I'm getting weight training, cardio, and core training! I'm excited. I got through the first Body Pump this morning and it's intense but it's really rewarding to finish it and it'll be a class I can do for a long time because as it gets easier I can just add a bit more weight untill I'm at my goal and just want to maintain. =)
So, I have a lot of new goals and they all have to do with discipline and focus and I'm hoping to really be able to keep motivation, stay focused and see changes through the power of Christ. (Cause let's face it, I couldn't do any of this on my own.)
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