God Speaks... Again

God- What are you doing?

Me- working on my lap top.

God- Working? Is that what you call what you're doing?

Me- ....

God- You didn't read my word yesterday. You haven't read today, you've spoken to me some this week but haven't really listened. You have homework to get done and you know you could be more productive than you choose to be.

Me- I cleaned my room today! Really well!

God- It should be clean like this more often. Do you not take pride in what I've given you? You are still learning and are getting better, I see good change in you but you can't stop now. I have many more plans for you. Time management is not a skill you have mastered yet. We need to work on that.

Me- I know...

God- Why are you struggling so much? You are distant and then convicted and remorseful but still seem to keep me at arm's length.

Me-...

God- You are not angry anymore.

Me- No...

God- Do you choose not to come to me with your troubles? You know seeking comfort elsewhere is dangerous and has led you into darkness. You don't want to be in that place again. I know what's troubling you. I know why you won't draw near to me but I want you to acknowledge it yourself, I want you to come to me.

Me- I'm scared

God- Yes, you are human and won't comprehend many things but I have always provided for you. Why are you scared now?

Me- I thought I was ready for all this but now I'm not so sure.

God- I will not take you where I have not prepared you to go.

Me- I don't like this.

God- ....

Me- Did you hear me? I DON'T LIKE THIS! I don't like that things always seem to get flipped upside down when I finally know what's going on and what I'm doing. I don't like not knowing what's gonna happen next week or next year. I don't like the vulnerability of having to trust so much. To trust you, to trust him, to trust my family, ... I DON'T LIKE NOT BEING IN CONTROL OF ANYTHING!

God- I know.

Me- Well...

God- That's not your job. Being in control is not for any human. It's for me, no one can do it better. Never once has anything been outside of my hands or my will, and never shall it be.

Me- I still don't like this. I'm still confused, and anxious.

God- I love you.

Me- What?

God- I love you. I died for you, I've experienced every difficult thing you've ever been through and ever will go through. I know how you feel, I know what it's like, and I love you, so much so that I paid for all of your sin and filthiness. I love you so much I endured more than you can possibly understand that day I died on a cross for you. Child, I love you.

Me- *sigh* I trust you.