This Time Last Year...

On November 11th 2011 Ryan and I officially became foster parents with our very first placement. At about 10pm our case manager, a CPS worker, and two little boys showed up at our door. The youngest of the two in the arms of the CPS worker wearing too small PJs with cars characters on them and wrapped up in a fuzzy blue blanket. He had smiling eyes, a happy face and fuzzy hair that was to die for.  He let me hold him right away and I realized just how big he was. 9 Month old Julienn came into our lives that night, along with his 3 year old uncle Cesar, who only stayed a few days before returning home.
JJ however, he changed our lives! I think of him this time of year and it just hit me that we had only had hime a few weeks before Thanksgiving but by that holiday, everyone was in love with him and captured by his charm and exuberant joy. What a precious, precious boy. I miss him so much! And realized what we had with him to it's fullest extent only after he was gone. If I had it to do over again I would have done better by him.

We get into things like service and charity for one reason or another. We got into fostering because God told us to but we did think about how much we intended of helping and blessing the lives that came through our home and really, we were blessed, we were touched, and we learned so much from such precious little children who had been through much more than I ever had.

Julienn will be two years old about the time Hannah Kate is due to arrive. I can hardly believe it! I wonder what he looks like now, how he's doing, if he speaks English as well as Spanish etc. I had no idea what a permanent effect loving him and caring for him for only 6 months would have one me. He left a little chubby hand print on my heart and I will always think of him.

But soon I will have my own baby to love and care for and look after, and devote my time and effort to. Without CPS, without visits and regulations and agencies. Just my husband, our daughter, and me.
I don't know if our fostering days are completely over yet or not. I wonder that a lot. But Ryan and I are both certain that it will be a good long while before we seriously begin considering something like that, or adoption, again. We will be giving all of our time and attention to Hannah Kate for a while.

I do cherish my JJ memories. I believe he had a special impact not only on Ryan and I but our families as well. He was a hard boy to upset. Always so happy and bubbly, everything was always just fine in his little eyes. I love that. I hope to adopt that spirit and outlook on life. So much joy.