Anxieties...

I've gotten pretty good at "Putting My Big Girl Panties On" up here in Houston being on my own so much, but one thing I've noticed is that sometimes being an adult gets confused with stuffing my feelings.
Having anxieties and worries and emotions doesn't make a person less mature, it's what we do with those emotions that shows our maturity level.

Over the past two days I have really been struggling with some honest anxiety and have been doing what I know to do and talking it out with my Hubby and doing my best to lay them before the lord.

I had a pretty good Doctor's appointment with my original Dr back in Austin on Monday. They were happy to have me back and I am happy to be back with that office and that Dr. I definitely feel like I'm getting better care with them than I was here in Houston.
But here are some of my concerns:

- I couldn't ignore the number on the scale because they have you weigh yourself in the bathroom and report the number to the nurse... This number makes me cry... maybe I'm just hormonal and maybe I have just always really struggled with my weight and it's very difficult for me to put it into perspective during pregnancy. I was not at my ideal weight before pregnancy and my last Dr was very rude about how much I've gained and I can't put it out of my mind.

- The next appointment I go to is my glucose screening and I am so afraid I will find out I have gestational diabetes because I'm a fat undisciplined cow! If I find out my pregnancy becomes more risky due to diabetes I will feel like a mommy failure! I am eating better and Ryan and I go to our little apartment gym 3 times a week and I ride a bike for about 40 minutes. I don't know how much good that's doing though...

- Another few things that will be happening at my next appointment is a redo of my stage 2 sonogram because my Dr doesn't really trust the care I got here, (which I don't blame him! They have still yet to transfer my medical records and ignored a fairly important test that came back abnormal.) and it makes me sad that Ryan can't come to this appointment because this doctor does their big sonogram in 3D which Ryan has said he would love to see.
They are also going to do some further testing on the abnormal screening I had back in my first trimester which is another thing I really wanted Ryan to be with me for.
Without going into detail it's the second abnormality I've had in this particular area and my Dr is concerned that no one did anything further here in Houston and it could mean something pretty scary; like cancer or more difficulty having future children. This makes me sad and nervous but really just bummed that my hubby can't be there.

My whole next visit is just full of emotional triggers and I have to be fasting beforehand and when I think about it all I just want Ryan to be at my side. But this is a part of being an adult. We can't afford to board the dogs again or for him to take a day off of work with the move coming up and Hannah Kate coming not long after that.

The upside is, this should be the only visit like this that we will be driving in from out of town to make. And I have my mom in town there.

The move and organizing our finances is another anxiety of mine but as we have a little more control over that, it's not quite as scary, just a lot of hard work and sacrifices.
It pretty much means we won't be back in Austin (except for my Dr visit) until we move down there at Christmas. The gas and dog boarding don't fit in the budget when we factor in the expenses of moving right at Christmas. But once we are home I will feel like I can breathe easy again and it will all be worth it!

I'm so Thankful we have a God who understands our human anxieties and emotions and invites us to give them to Him so we can have more peace.
I can't wait to be at home, to have my husband and my family all in one area again.