Dear God,

I don't think anyone reads this anymore. Not that I can blame them, I wouldn't.
Lord, I don't even know where to begin.
Often times when I pray, I pray the same basic prayer. I thank you for the blessings you've given me, I ask for your blessings, I ask that you'd get George over here, give Justin a new and amazing job, I ask for your rest anf relief over my parents, I ask for your grace and wisdom and understanding in my relationships, and other little requests as I am aware of them.
Sometimes I pray just because I know I need to, or because I'm PLANNING on reading your word and feel like I should pray before opening it. Lately I don't ever get to that part. I don't want to read. I want to be like Jesus but I don't want to read your scriptures, the "how to" book for my goals.
I started thinking about this more... Why don't I want to read? I want to WANT to read... Because, I get so sick and tired of just being patient and trying to do everything right! I'm not hearing you! Where are you?
I'm so angry! I know you love your children and I know you have plans for us and are above all things. I don't care if we are chosen or free, if bad things happen because of sin or because of your greater plan, it doesn't matter, you're "sovereign" and I don't even always know what that means but I know there is nothing outside of your power! So why? Why do I feel as though you aren't listening? I know you're there. I know you're watching my brother cling to what he knows is true and look to you as he struggles with the frustrations of his job and the lack of change in his career. He's not he only one praying, we're lifting him up to you so why don't you do something? I know you see my sister's agony, I know you see her heart and our pain for her suituation, I know you are hearing the hundreds of prayers that people are praying just to get George here and make her feel whole again. I know you watch my mom tearfully read out loud her words to my dad wishing she could do something. I know you see my parents pray and read your word everyday. Asking for your guidance and wisdom, and I know you see me struggling to know where I'm supposed to be at any given moment as it relates to one person or another.
Why aren't you doing anything God? What the hell?! I don't feel like this on a regular basis but things are crazy. I feel so lonely. Am I really always doing something wrong or is that Satan trying to hit me while I'm down? Am I really a rock of offense to everyone? Or is that I lie that is beginning to feel like the truth?
Lord I am crying out to you in all honesty, no "this is how I should pray" no thought to specific words or how they might be taken.
You know my heart. You know my desires and I know you understand our human emotions and the self control we struggle to have over them.
I just don't understand.
Maybe it's a bad week. Maybe I'm just naive, or maybe I really am just an idiot and need to figure out how to get my act together, If that's the case I really need your help.
God I don't want to feel so seperated anymore. I don't want to feel like I only add hurt or dissapointment to people's lives. That's not in keeping with your son's example of life.
Father I am so sick of this! I just want to be done! I can't say the right thing, do the right thing, be there at the right time, ...
I don't even know what I'm doing on a day to day basis.
I wish I could fix everything for everyone. I wish I could be the exact opposite of what it feels like I am.
I don't want to be the one they put up with or only see every now and then. I don't want to be ... God do you hear me?
You know my heart.
Help me not to be angry, or bitter.
Give me ears to hear and eyes to see, a heart like yours and a mind to recieve.
Give my the discipline and dilligence to do hard things, right things, ever when I don't want to.
Father remind me of your love and mercy.
Give me faith and trust.
Make me more like your son.

In Jesus' Name
Amen