Random Thoughts

Ever had a brain freeze from drinking a little too much of something very cold a little too quickly?

I get something similar when I try to retain too much information in a short period of time (Usually nap time!)
Research Headaches...Sometimes it's like trying to drink out of a fire hydrant.
BTW... ever wanted to see what that might look like?
Well... Happy Wednesday!

Google is a great resource but be careful what you search for... and how you word things... and typos... there is some crazy stuff on the internet! ...

Today's research has been a bit more encouraging. While more precise and complicated, and depending on my level of PCOS/Insulin Resistance, I should be able to get on the "Healthy Train" with lifestyle alone. No drugs. I'm of course still going to talk with all the proper medical professionals but I'm still encouraged.

Now if I could just figure out the correlation between my daughter's sleep patterns.... or Not-patterns since there really is no consistency.


You know what's ironic? When I was about 17 or 18 I was extremely vain and insecure... possibly even slightly narcissistic. My greatest fear in life was being fat and ugly and not having any power over it, or the ability to change it... seriously. That fear consumed me for a while.
And now 5 or 6 years later... to some extent, I feel like that is my life right now. No, I'm not completely powerless, but the difficulty losing and then maintaining a healthy weight has been pretty astounding to me.
This makes me sad, and I do feel quite insecure sometimes... but I'm grateful that my life holds so much more meaning now than what I look like.
And my drive to show my daughter that true beauty and confidence is in Godliness is a great "re-focus-er" during those times.


Love is amazing.
My husband is pretty perfect.
My daughter is a peach.
My God is good to me, and bigger than my problems.
Life is what I make of it, and right here, right now, I'm making life good. 

Monday Mommy Blues

I'm  just gonna be honest and put it out there... it's been a rough weekend.

Hannah Kate's great sleeping lasted all of two nights and then we had another up every hour night followed by up every two hours... Being a Mommy is HARD! Trying to figure out what is best for your baby is HARD especially when your own needs are such a huge part of the picture, even when you try not to think about it.

I'm struggling with this not only in the sleep category but in others as well. I'm having a really hard time accepting my health issues right now. It would be easy to decide I just don't want to know anymore and ignore it but that wouldn't be good for anyone. The more research I do the more I wish I would have understood most of these things from the beginning. I would have done so many things different and possibly could have been in better overall health right now.

I couldn't get in to see an Endocrinologist until August 19th and I am just banking question after question as I continue to read and research.
I have noticed a lot of negative PCOS symptoms since having Hannah Kate but didn't recognize that's what they were until fairly recently.
The hardest ones to deal with are how my endocrine issues effect my moods and emotions. Especially with added stress like sleep deprivation. And feeling light headed and dizzy a lot is no fun either. Especially while taking care of a baby.
I can't help but wonder how good of a Mommy I've been these past five months and how much better I could have been had I known what I know now before I even got pregnant.

One thing that's weighing very heavy on my heart as I research, (and I plan on asking my OBGYN, Pediatrician and Endocrinologist about) is the effects of the medication I rather expect to be advised to take on my baby through nursing. Would it be wiser not to take the drug or wiser to switch to formula? If diet alone is not enough to stabilize all of these endocrine issues will I be the best mommy I can be without the medication? Is it better for Hannah Kate to continue nursing with a Mommy who might be overly stressed or spent? Or to have second best nutrition and a Mommy who is healthier...
I may be getting ahead of myself, or I may just be preparing and examining options before I'm officially presented with them.

I pray a lot, but I confess it's usually me asking something of God... and to be honest my spiritual life is certainly not what it should be for someone who has known Jesus as long as I have.
I have always struggled with why God let's us walk through painful and difficult places.
I ask God to help my baby sleep every night... and for some reason He doesn't see that to be what's best for me...
I ask God to take away health afflictions... and have ever since I found out I had PCOS... And apparently He knows better, and there's a reason He isn't healing me.
I ask God to bless us Financially and my guess is that He wants us to fully rely on His plan and provision and be happy with "Just Enough"

My heart is heavy today as I ponder these things and trudge through my day, chin held as high as I can hold it, trying to be a great Mommy even though I feel like I'm severely lacking on days like this.

God is bigger... Christ has overcome the world... I know He doesn't give me more than I can handle... but He certainly sees more strength in me than I do... 

The School Of Life

I have a lot I kind of want to get out there in this post but since I'm writing while my baby is asleep I'm not counting on being able to mention it all.

We never stop learning. I have been out of any kind of formal educational classroom for years, but I've probably learned more valuable things than what I learned at any class at ACC.

God is teaching me the true meaning of love and support and submission through my husband's career. He just got his official license and we officially own Anders Air Conditioning LLC! I'm very excited about what this (HOPEFULLY) means for our family in 3 to 5 years but the means to get to that point bring me down.
I have been working on business cards, a website and a business e-mail! I am THE secretary and dispatcher as Ryan can't do personal business at work or from a work phone. We opened a business bank account yesterday, got a business computer and two books on the Quickbooks computer program. (Haven't purchased that yet.) All of this is fun and exciting to me! And the idea that in five or so years Ryan will be fully launched into his own business and not have to work as much and not have to go to school and be a part of our homeschooling etc... I love it all...
Here's where I get stuck: Over the next several years we have to endure Ryan working his normal 40hr a week job plus responding to every possible residential/side job AND going to union school twice a week. This means seeing him a whole lot less, and to be selfishly honest, it means a lot less help for me. This is hard for me. I am learning how to see that the end justifies the means, to put my big girl panties on, and find solutions to the problem.
The biggest problem being that outside of my husband and family, I don't really have support or friends or really anything to help on long lonely days. You'd think that's where my church comes in but they only really check in with me to solicit my service to the church which I'm not willing to leave my baby for. Maybe that makes me a bad Christian...

I'm planning on joining MOPS, (Mothers Of Preschoolers) Thrive, (another Moms ministry) Women's Bible Studies, and the YMCA this September. Hannah Kate will be 7 months old, eating lots of fun yummy food where she isn't solely reliant on me for nourishment and I expect her to not only be sitting up but also crawling by then and she will probably still be quite the hearty baby so hopefully I'll be a little more adjusted to the idea of getting a little more Mommy Time by being able to trust her care to someone else for an hour or two at a time.

Sadly, most of these things are not an extension of our church. I'm kind of sad about that. Like I mentioned, my church only seems to contact me when they want me to serve. This upset me the most when it was claimed that it's because they are so concerned about my spiritual growth.
They are so concerned that they want to get me plugged in to a service but haven't realized I've been absent for nearly two months, much less know what's going on in my life.
If they were really concerned about my spiritual growth they might check in every now and again without ulterior motives, and find out that life is actually kind of tough for me right now, and maybe see where I can get plugged in to find friends and support... Maybe that's a harsh and mean perspective of my church....

I went to the grocery store and spent way too much money on low glycemic index foods for my new diet. I discovered that PCOS and insulin resistance are not really fertility problems but pretty serious health issues that can cause all sorts of issues if not treated; you know, like heart disease, type 2 diabetes, etc... fun stuff like that. So Ryan and I are doing our research eating appropriately, scheduling appointments with the right kind of medical professionals and trying to get this under control BEFORE I'm at a higher risk for such things. But it makes me sad. It's a hard pill to swallow... I learned sad statistics that have only caused anxiety and I wish I could erase the information from my brain...

But onto more positive things! Hannah Kate's sleep had been gradually getting worse and I was disappointed because she used to be such a great natural sleeper and the whole time I was pregnant I prayed for a good sleeper and for the most part felt like God had answered that prayer.
For the past several weeks it has taken 3 - 5 times to get her settled in for the night, only to be up with her every 1 to 2 hours which means I wasn't getting any sleep.
It got to the point yesterday where I was near tears and told Ryan "I'm so frustrated and tired and out of patience that I just need you to take her so I don't say something in a mean voice to her." (She was being really fussy at the time.)
We had been praying over her every night that she would sleep well, and I began to look up sleep training methods. Ryan even implored me to let her cry for a little bit to see if she would go back to sleep. I lasted about 8-10 minutes before I went in and got her. I was so torn yesterday about the right way to sleep train a baby and just didn't know what to do!
We decided to try solids more than once a day, took Hannah on an evening walk, then food, then bath, then some snuggles before nursing and bed.
She went down at 9pm, got up at 2am to eat, went back down until 6:45 and then slept again until 9:30am!
It's amazing how different you can feel about life when you have slept! I feel amazing! I'm praying this is the first night of many good sleeps!  Thank You Jesus!

One thing I know about life is that I will never be done learning! God is teaching me so much, and a lot of times the learning is slow. I have a lot of questions and most of them take time and experience to get an answer, but wisdom comes from such learning.

And no matter what life brings, God is bigger.

5 Months Old

My sweet Girl,

You turned five months old the same weekend your Uncle Jeremy got married! It was a busy and exciting weekend for you but your aunts, uncles, and Gigi and Pops were there for you through out the weekend!

Here are some highlights of your life right now:

- You are on the verge of crawling! (Mommy is in NO rush!)
- You started eating rice cereal, (and like to feed yourself already!)
- You have GREAT dexterity and are very interested in long hair, faces, (especially Uncle Justin's and Daddy's) fingers, spoons, and toys.
- You are so strong you got a new exersaucer from Mima and love to play in that one and the one at Gigi's house.
- You still LOVE baths and being "Nekid"
- You have learned how to make all sorts of exciting new sounds and facial expressions!
- Your beautiful hair is getting longer and is still as curly as can be!
- You look more like your Daddy than your Mommy right now. I'm okay with that!
- Your gorgeous eyes are a deep dark green. I kind of hope they stay that way but you are beautiful no matter what color your eyes end up being.
- You are SO loved!
This week you got to spend time with family on Mommy and Daddy's side and everyone adores you!

Here are some pictures and videos to go with everything wonderful about you this month!

We didn't get pictures of every time everyone was loving on you, but everyone certainly had their fair share of snuggles with you.

Wedding Photo Sampling

It's going to take me a while to get through all of the photos and do some touching up, but for those people who don't like to wait... here is a sampling:

my little birdie

this is a cockatoo. lately Ryan has been calling Hannah Kate a cockatoo and I can see the resemblance.

my little girl has hair like a cockatoo, she flaps her arms like they're wings, and she tends to knaw things much like a biting cockatoo and instead of baby cooing noises she kinda makes a squawking noise which is adorable but very bird like. So she is my little birdie and I love everything about her!

Random Thoughts

- I got some bad news this week that really bummed me out; I have to visit my Dr far more than a normal woman after delivering her baby. This makes me sad because I had hoped, that like many other women, actually getting pregnant would solve my "issues" instead I find out I probably have a couple of "issues" that are unrelated.

- In the process of dealing with this news I was reminded of what great support I have. My husband spent most of the rest of that day caring for the baby while I spoke with the nurse and made another appointment and then promptly took a bubble bath. We both did some research and discussed all the possible outcomes and our game plans. My family has also been very encouraging and I know that prayers are already going out on my behalf. (Now THAT'S good family.)

- I wish I could say better things about my diet. I'm not giving up, but with the start I got, I expected more. It's possible that there's an "Operator Error" as I haven't quite finished the book. So I'm stickin' with it, although I ate half a pizza by myself on Bad News Day. I won't cheat again until Little Brother's wedding.

- I've been laying next to Hannah Kate in my bed to get her to take naps the past two days. It works, but I don't think I'm going to keep it up because it just makes me tired and I don't get anything done.

- Mima is coming in town for a few days at the beginning of this week. We are excited to get to spend some time with her.

- Ryan is turning our yard into our own little Eden. We have a pear tree in the front yard; as well as a Mountain Laurel and a Texas Willow Red Bud. In the back yard we now have an Oak tree, two fig trees, an orange tree, a pomegranate tree and a pumello tree. I'm not sure I like half of these fruits but the trees are pretty and we will get some good shade in a few years.

- I'm really excited about my baby brother's wedding this next weekend. My little family is wearing coordinating outfits at the rehearsal dinner and the wedding. I'm taking pictures of the wedding and the portraits following, and I need to remember to bring my tripod and have everything charged and memory cards cleared etc. I'm a bit nervous because taking care of a 5 month old makes me a bit distracted and scatter brained.

- We tried organic brown rice cereal with Hannah Kate the other day. I tried a couple of bites and got the idea that she's not quite ready so we are backing off until she is closer to 6 months old. But she loves her spoons and sitting in her new high chair at the table with Mommy and Daddy so we are still making progress introducing her to meal time.

- Mima is bringing cousin Allie's old exersaucer for Hannah Kate when she comes to visit. We are SO looking forward to seeing her react to that new toy.

- Hannah Kate loves to roll onto her tummy from her back. Now we are on the alert and super buckle conscious as she has done it in her rock n play and tried to do it on her changing table. She is also showing signs that she will be mobile soon. She turns around in circles on her tummy and is starting to make some miniscule skooting progress. I'm not sure I'm ready for that quite yet.

- I feel like a bad Christian sometimes. We haven't been going to church as often lately. Mostly because of exhausting business or Hannah Kate's sleep schedule, or Ryan serving in the service which leaves me on my own with the baby and I'd much rather do that in our own home and not interrupt her nap than have to stand in the back bouncing her and throwing off her nap schedule at church.

- I don't know who all reads my blog now. I don't have a Facebook anymore so you can't link to it from there, and I want to be careful with my words but this is a personal blog where I'm allowed to post my personal opinions, so here it goes: I'm a little disappointed in my church lately. I know no church is perfect and I have no intentions of leaving and I am excited about getting to know some specific people but I sure do feel pressured into serving and so does my husband. I believe that the members of a church should serve but I also believe there is a season for rest and with the change of a new baby I wish we would have been given more consideration. I have turned down petitions to serve, but Ryan is really starting to feel his service and may try to switch to something that doesn't pull him out of hearing the sermon. There are two services so people can serve during one and listen to the other but that's not practical for little ones.
And beyond that, I don't feel like we are being served as often as we are being asked to serve. And, again I don't think the church is here just to meet our needs, but I have felt a little more lost, left out, and forgotten than I think you should within a church family.

- God is really working on my heart and my family lately. This is good, but not necessarily easy.

- I love my little girl, and I will not allow myself to feel guilty for putting her needs before most everything else.

- I'm remembering (With difficulty some days) that God has never failed us in the past, has always answered our prayers, (though not always exactly how I want Him to) and has ALWAYS seen us through hard times. And He will continue to do so.

Following Dad...

My Dad and I have many things in common.
I get a lot of physical features from my dad but I also have a lot of similar personality traits and preferences.

One thing in particular that my dad and I share is a desire to write.
I love that my Dad sets goals for himself and sets himself up with the right tools to reach those goals He even has a neat little writing center set up in his bedroom.
He is working on a children's series based off of stories he used to tell us kids when we were younger.
I heard from my husband that he has a time goal of two years to complete what he's working on. I'm not sure if that's one book as a collection of short stories and if that means the first draft or the final cut ready to be sent to publishers. Either way, he has goals set and his writing center and motivation are inspiring to me.

I've been writing stories here and there since I was 13 or 14 years old. Thanks to my awesome mom who homeschooled me, I was encouraged to write as part of my English curriculum. My first Novela (25,000 words or more) was completed at age 13 or 14. And my first Novel (50,000 words or more) when I was about 15 or 16. Now, these were not quality pieces mind you. I was very imaginative and naive, and more about the story than the literature. But I wanted to be an author, and my friends certainly enjoyed my story telling at sleep overs.

Over the past year or so I've tried to get back into writing. I see it as a modern day Proverbs 31 income. I can still devote myself to my family and write while the baby is asleep or when Ryan is taking a turn etc. And if ever I get published and make some money, that would be extremely exciting not to mention helpful to our family.

So I finished the first chapter of a book I wrote when I was 17. I'm recreating it from a more experienced and less naive mind. I had Ryan read all 12 pages and give me some feedback. It was helpful! I'm going to fix the little things we discussed and send it to his Gran who is a retired English teacher to look over and get her perspective.

So I have a Young Adult Fiction in the works and another project I'd really like to get brainstorming on with my sister (*HINT HINT*) is a children's series entitled "The Adventures of Cake and Coffee" Or Coffee and Cake whichever way we decide sounds better. We are going to have to work on illustrations but I think the project will be super fun! And I'm hoping it will be a hit with the kids, like the Olivia books!

So my goal is to have finished my Young Adult Novel by Christmas and be talking to literary agents. 
My goal for the children's series is to have one or two mock ups ready to submit to literary agents by the January... if my partner is up for it! ;)

I'm hoping God will bless my desire to help my family in a way that doesn't sacrifice my time with them, and in a way that is utilizing talents and skills God gave me. If either or both of these projects were to open doors for future publications I would be ecstatic! :)

Free

What a weekend! It hardly felt like a weekend to me but I am so grateful that God is working on my heart, my patience, and my attitude lately.

Ryan was on call this weekend and was called out twice in the middle of the night and then on Sunday afternoon.
He was gone several hours out of the weekend which means Mommy had very little relief time but it didn't bother me nearly as much as it would have in the past. I just kept hearing these gentle reminders that we have been praying for financial blessings and here it is! Thanks God. What freedom there is in knowing God provides!

We had a pretty awesome Adoption Shower over here on Saturday. I should have taken pictures because the decorations were so awesome the family took them home to put up in the girl's rooms.

I didn't eat ANY carbs this weekend even though some of my favorite foods showed up as temptation! Cake, Pizza, Chips and Dip etc.

I'm feeling very free in this diet, which is funny because I'm restricted to certain foods. But I feel so healthy and alive and successful! The longer I do it, the easier it gets, and in 13 days I'm taking one heck of a day off to eat yummy stuff and celebrate my baby brother's wedding! I can't believe he is getting married!

I am now Facebook Free and stickin' with e-mail and blogging as online forms of keeping in touch.
This may make me sound like a horrible American but I am SO sick of politics! Political views being hurled here and there and guess what bill is being passed tomorrow or what's being changed today.... I have a hard time caring because people get so overly passionate about things... or maybe just overly passionate on the wrong side and I'm overly opinionated on what I consider the "Right" side... no pun intended.
I mean I have opinions about guns, Paula Dean, our president and state laws etc, but yelling them out as a battle cry on Facebook is just not for me, and I'm relieved to be free of such spam in my life.

Last night was a rough night for sleep. It took me four times to finally get Hannah Kate settled in for the night and then we were up nearly every hour of the night... Ryan is convinced she's teething... I don't know what I think. Except maybe that I'd really like the 10pm-6am days back!

This morning I was snuggling her in bed and when she was awake and ready for the day she just started laughing and I love the way she smiles when she's on my tummy.
Shoe LOVES water, and so baths are a several times a day thing over here. We would go swimming more if there were more shade at our pool and more friends to go with but my bathtub works just as well and doesn't have chlorine in it! :)
I love my sweet girl! I'm sorry she isn't sleeping better both for her sake and mine, I know she isn't getting the sleep she needs but I can't figure out why or what to do about it.
Oh well, tonight is a new night and already we have enjoyed precious moments today.
I consider myself very blessed!

4th of July

 

We had a FABULOUS 4th of July celebration! As you can see in all of these pictures! Hannah Kate had a little patriotic outfit on and really enjoyed the family! (And all of the attention of course!)

 

 

^This^ guys super surprised us and showed up with Mom and Dad all the way from Houston! We have certainly missed our "Uncle Jon" and Hannah Kate was sure to get plenty of time with him. She sure does love her Uncle Jon!

 

 

My sweet and hard working husband stood out in the heat next to an even hotter grill to serve us pork chops and chicken from the grill! They were yummy and of course he acted like standing out there was no big deal! I love this man!

 

We were so happy to have "Pops" with us! I still can't believe he chose to spend the afternoon with us a day after surgery! My family is full of amazing people!

 

 

This picture just doesn't do justice to my GORGEOUS Mom. But Hannah Kate sure had fun with her yesterday! She even did "wah-wah" for the very first time with Gigi! 

 

Jon and Makafui were entertained and entertained the rest of us with Mima's famous Fart Book! True Hilarity all around! 

 

George and Ryan. The Hubbys on the back porch. I see our families being very close! :) 

 

This game was HILARIOUS to watch! The pictures don't quite capture it but it gives you a glimpse of the fun! 

 

Makafui thoroughly enjoyed it! 

 

Makafui deciding what he wants to do with his baby cousin... ignore her? Kiss her? touch her feet? 

 

When you have kids, this is how you can tell the festivities are coming to an end. LOL But poor Makafui felt left out when Aunt Beth asked Hannah Kate if she needed nursing and Makafui thought she was asking him. He's pretty much weaned so boy was he disappointed! LOL 

All in all it was a FABULOUS day with family and we ate WELL! 

Today we are resting a bit, taking a meal to a family in small group who recently had a baby and preparing for an adoption shower we are hosting tomorrow afternoon.

Today is also pretty special even though we are playing it low key.

Four years ago today my husband got down on one knee amidst twinkly lights wrapped around trees and in front of a beautifully lit fountain in one of the prettiest places in Austin that had become a regular date venue for us. He asked me one of the most important and exciting questions ever in my life. 

I said yes, and we married 8 months after that. 

My Dear Mr Anders; I STILL DO and I will always gush at the memory of your proposal and always feel that there could never have been nor will there ever be any other answer than YES! :)

Now not only do I get to live side by side with this man as my husband but we get to share our life with our daughter and I get to see him as an amazing father as well.

If all I had to my name was this man and this little girl I would be blessed, and yet I have even more so how freaking blessed am I?! 

Sure there will always be things in life we wish we had or didn't have but when you stop to think about what's important... there is just no comparison. 

Sometimes I'm glad we have just as much material things as we do because it helps me keep sight of what is really good in this life. It's not money or things... and by my definition I am one of the wealthiest people I know. :)

Although, if God did decide to bless us financially, I would just pray He'd help us keep the proper perspective! LOL

TGIF and Happy Weekend Y'all!