Valentine's Day 2009

I haven't been keeping up with my blog as well as I should be but life has been absolutely crazy these past few weeks.

Let's talk about today, Valentine's Day:
About a week ago I had a conversation with Ryan, (My one and only) and we discussed this holiday. I understood that Ryan had a hard time really grasping the idea of such a celebration. "We're only supposed to go all out in love and affection one day a year? I don't need a holiday to show you my love." He had a point. The holiday doesn't really have any biblical significance however and am a hopeless romantic and absolutely love Valentine's Day! I see it as more of a reminded to be thankful for the love that God has given us. The love of a father sending His son to die for our sins, the love that God has given us to give to Him and those around us, the love we receive from family, friends, and significant others. God is love, he created love, and gave it to us as a gift! Why not celebrate!?
To get to my point, Ryan and I viewed this day very differently, but I figured it didn't really matter this year anyways since he had planned a trip to Colorado with a friend since before we started our courtship. He wasn't even going to be here.

Ryan left on Wednesday afternoon and we've kept in touch ever so slightly with short phone calls and texts. (His phone's not getting great reception.)
This morning I got out of the shower to find a delivery had come for me.
Fresh flowers in the most gorgeous arrangement! The vase holding the pink and red flowers had a photo album wrapped around it. It was beautiful, thoughtful, and just for me! I have been talking about this gift all day!
The gift itself was sweet, but it's the fact that Ryan chose to do something on Valentine's Day because it was important to me, even though he didn't share the same view. What a guy! =)

Moving along to catch up...
I started my new full time job at Primrose on Friday! I love it! I really like working with the kids, my coworkers are sweet and enjoy work just as much as I do, the days go by quickly and I just love my job!
It is the first time I've worked 40 hours a week, and things are getting out of hand.
I've been praying for more direction in my life because I've noticed important aspects of my life are struggling.
I decided to ask God to help me reevaluate and the question that formed in my mind was: "What did I start for ME and what did I get into with Christ as my focus?"
My full time job feels right. When I work with kids in this amazing environment I feel like I have a career not just a job. I love what I do and I'm good at it, it feels natural and I can't get up every day, hold these kids in my arms, pick them up when they fall down, teach them life skills, etc. and not think about our awesome creator. My bosses are Christians and very interested in my life, the pay and benefits are just what I need right now and I see and feel God in every aspect of this adventure.
School... I took on this semester's load with the thought that I would pursue social work. I had two part time jobs that left me with a lot of free time and now prospects or clear direction for my future. Well, ALL of that has changed now! I not only have a prospect but an amazing boyfriend and now a full time job that very well could be my career. I don't want to spend the next 5 years in school and I don't want to be a social worker. I want to be a stay at home mom! So I find myself stressing out and struggling to meet deadlines do homework and e-mail professors when I barely have the energy just to keep my eyes open, and for what? I have no idea! God was never a part of my plans for school, I just got tired of waiting. But now I see one of my passions is taking form in a possible money making opportunity, (that being photography,) and that's something I could do even after marriage and children. I don't need a degree to work at Primrose, and I've proven that I don't need a degree to be a good photographer, so why am I killing myself trying to keep up with classes, work, a social life, and time for my creativity?
Short answer: I'm an idiot.
Come Monday I'm dropping the rest of my class load. I probably won't get much money back but at least I can stop paying into it and I'll have so much more time to breathe and enjoy life.
Just thinking about it is making me feel more relaxed.
I feel like God is opening doors and revealing more and more of my suture to me as I learn to let go and trust Him. However I am convicted that I've let my insanely over scheduled life get in the way of my personal relationship with Him, and that is NOT okay.
This week is all about reorganizing. Today I was reminded of what a blessing love is. I'm very thankful for the love that fills my life.
It seems there is an outpouring everywhere I go and only God can arrange such a lovely thing like that.
For the rest of 2009 I want my focus to be centered on Christ and all that He has for me, secondly I want my attention to be on my relationships, and thirdly, I want to work on my careers. Teacher/Caretaker and photographer, no school involved. =) Boy that makes me happy! I've never been a stellar student nor have I ever really enjoyed school. God knew that all along. I wonder how much time He spends laughing or shaking His head at our silly mistakes. :P LOL

Things are always going to be crazy at some level, life will never be in my control as I would have it, but God knows all and has it in His hand, therefore, despite whatever circumstance... LIFE IS GOOD!