I'm hoping this little girl decides to show up today. If not; I have an OB visit tomorrow morning and I plan on discussing a possible induction. She seems so ready to come out but just slightly confused as to how to do that. LOL
Thinking about today and our due date has caused me to think about today's date in general. It's February 18th.
On this day last year I took a very disappointing pregnancy test and tried to go about my day as normally as possible. I was a foster mom and an 8 year old boy and a little guy who was turning 1 the following day so I had planned a big 1st birthday party for him and everyone was so excited.
I remember picking up the cake and food and setting up decorations with my husband knowing this sweet little man would be going home with his family in a few weeks and wondered when we might be planning a birthday party for one of our own children.
It was a rough morning and my sweet husband knew how to hold me when I needed to get my cry out and take care of the boys while I got myself together, and be super assertive during the party.
It was a great celebration and our families loved and celebrated little JJ like he really deserved and we had grown to really love him as our own.
Now that he's home I don't know what the rules are of posting pictures of him on the internet so I'll just play it safe and not post any of him but we still have them.
I think he may have impacted us more than we did him. And tomorrow he will be 2 years old! I wonder what he's like as a fully mobile toddler!
After JJ's birthday party we all dressed up in white and headed to a very special Baby Naming Ceremony for my little nephew Makafui.
I was thrilled to finally find out what this sweet little baby's name was but I was also really struggling with my emotions. This was a strong cocktail of emotions from getting another "no" that morning, to knowing that our days with JJ were coming to an end, plus all sorts of synthetic hormones I was on trying to get pregnant.
I was doing okay until my "Kryptonite" was mentioned. The story of Hannah in the Bible. How she cried out to God for a child and after years of waiting God answered her and she dedicated him to the Lord... I was so hurt in my heart that this was the only story in the Bible I would read, trying my best not to be angry with God.
After that I could not control the tears, was super embarrassed and felt horrible but we excused ourselves and once the boys were buckled up in the car and Ryan started to drive away I burst into tears and pretty much cried all the way home.
I have yet to face a more sorrowful journey in my life and today I am reminded just how much can change in one year.
A year ago today I wondered if I would ever have children of my own and how long God would call us to the difficulties of foster care and loving on children who eventually go home and doing the hardest part of taking care of them and having no legal say in what happens to them.
Today my biggest prayer is just that this precious gift; this beautiful answer to my agonized prayers, would just show up soon so I can walk, sit, stand, and lay down without wincing in pain! LOL And to be able to finally hold her in my arms, see her pretty face, how much she looks like her Daddy how much she looks like her Mommy, to kiss her, hug her and love on her like I've wanted to for so long!
If I do make it to my OB appointment tomorrow and they decide I'm far enough along to just have the baby, I think there is something special about Hannah Kate sharing JJ's birthday.
I know it's tomorrow but: Wherever you are, little man, I hope you have a wonderful birthday! That your life is full of love and that you are well looked after!
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