This Place In Life

I recently began a Ladies Bible Study at my new church and most of it is very applicable and full of spiritual nutrients and it's a great placce for me to meet new women but today was tough.
I love speaking with the ladies at this study but all the women I've met are career women or stay at home moms which is great but I'm not either and am sort of finding it hard to find some common ground.
Today's topic was love. We defined four different greek words used for love in the Bible.
Erao- Is your romantic love. Or intense love. It's Passionate love that specifically has desires.
Storgeo- Is a love you don't really have a choice in. It's a natural, deep rooted love, like how you feel about family memebers.
Phileo- Is the most common love we see today. It's described as personal affection and fondness that is subjective and often times based on how lovable a person is or how well two people get along etc.
Agapao- is the love people preach about most often because it's the love Christ demonstrated. This love is rooted in the mind or will of the person doing the loving. Meaning it's a choice, not a feeling. This love is to value a person and it benefits the beloved. It is unconditional.
The challenge we were given is: Do you Agape love your friends? Do you give them the attention and time and investment that they need?
We looked at four basic necessities or just parts of a good relationship.
Availability
Vulnerability/depth
Truth and Conflict
Commitment
I got to listen to all the ladies at my table relate these things to their current friendships and while it's great stuff that I'll have for future relationships; hearing stories about great friends who were there for each other in crisis and able to confront one another in love and share therselves with one another and pray for each other etc... it just left me feeling sad.
I want that! I don't struggle so much with overcommiting myself or a bust schedule like most of these women. I don't struggle with being gentle or sympathetic towards others. I have love and compassion and time beyond what I need I just don't have the friends to invest in.
During the week part of our homework was to take a 30 minute test to help detirmine our top 3 spiritual gifts.
Mine are:
Mercy
Shepherding
Exhortation
And maybe that's why I have such a longing to be with people all the time. Maybe that's why I don't like being alone for long periods of time. Maybe that's why I might seem a little more needy of my husband than he's used to.
I need people to love and be loved by and they aren't here yet.
It's weird because I used to ask questions like: What is my purpose? What should I do with my time? What am I good at and who am I?
Well now through this study I am able to answer all those questions but am having trouble finding the means to do what it is I feel called to do!
Oh to be able to do things like when we were in elementary school:
"Hi I'm Tiffany, will you be my friend?"
Can you see adults doing stuff like that now? Life was easier then.
I need some hobbies or something.
I need some friends.

A Little Girl's List

When I was about 12 years old I made a list of goals to have had accomplished by the time I turned 25. I'm 21 now and while I don't remember all of what was on that list I remember one of the most important things I used to day dream about was the man I would marry. On that list I stated that I wanted to have a good Christian man. A leader but someone who supported me 100%. I have that man. I married that man. More than the dream man I carried through out middle and high school. Beyond my girly dreams, prince charming. He's mine and I have so much!
Amongst the smaller things on that list was to have written and recorded an original song. Which I have done. I also wanted to have something published. And I have done that as well; a small poem.
I know one or two kids was on the list somewhere but I'm not 25 yet! =)
I wish I still had that list. Today it really put a lot of things into perspective. I have reached several goals and achived (Through Christ alone!) things I never thought possible.
I think about who I was as an idealistic, day-dreamer of a little girl, who I was as a messed up, confused teenager/young adult, and who I am today. Still a young adult but not the same person. God has done so much in me! So much for me! And my family!
I admit I am afraid sometimes that I've missed something, that maybe I'm not saved, I haven't done all the steps or something, but when I really take a step back and look at my whole life I see God's hand everywhere! I see change, and dare I say that Christian cliche word, fruit!
One of my weaknesses in this time in my life (Mostly while I'm home without my husband and without friends) is to feel discontent. But my God has always known what's best for me and has blessed me FAR beyond what I ever could have deserved.

I have this interview today. It's been abother thing that put things into perspective for me. See, my sister and I have a completely different relationship now than we have in years! And that's more of God working in my family. I actually wasn't looking for a job but seeking what I'm supposed to be doing with my life and time right now and my sister was the one who gave me the info about the job. So really it's thanks to her that I even have an interview and thanks to God for working in our relationship. =)
Over the weekend I've been nervous about this whole thing. What if I don't get it, what if it's not what I thought it was etc. and then I started thinking... You know, I was doing pretty well just asking God what to do with my time right now. And if I don't get the job for whatever reason I don't think it will effect me like it has in the past. I start a women's bible study at my church tomorrow. I'm looking forward to meeting new people and building relationships and finding more ways to serve and give of myself. So with everything God has done and is doing in my life, no matter what happens today at 3 O'Clock, I am happy! I have a fantastic family (A really big one!) and wonderful husband! A home, a church, and a God who has plans to prosper me!
Life is good! I am more than content. I am blessed! =)

Am I Impatient, or just a dreamer? =)

So lately one of the things that occupies my mind more frequently is the thought of being a mom and putting together a house.
This is something my husband and I talk about frequently and my sister and I send pictures and thoughts about via e-mail fairly often. LOL
Maybe it's just that time in a girl's life. =)
BUT since we're talking about it!... let me share!

One of the things that is the most difficult to find is a good solid boy's baby room. I'm SO not into the stupid baby sports or animal themes. I want something modern and soothing and I think I have found it! (BTW Beth, Ryan didn't like the Pirates either because they're a symbol of evil and he doesn't want anything like that associated with our future son. LOL, I get it but its just funny he and G or so similar.)

Okay so my lovely artistic mom (Who will be known as Gigi) is going to paint something similar to this on the wall


I don't like the blue in that room just the idea of the tree on the wall and I like the tan background and the darker brown of the tree.
I'm thinking something LIKE this for the bedding:


And I like the darker wood sleigh style cribs. Something like this:


I also like to dream about our lovely (and at this point non-existant) 4 bedroom house in Leander. =) I enjoy looking at listings and getting an idea of what I like.

So that's a lot of what's been on my mind. That and trying to live a healthier life and lose the ten or so pounds I've gained since marriage. LOL. That's a constant battle. Anyway, that's all for now.
Drop me a comment!

Random Thoughts and Catching Up

Facebook: This is getting more and more frustrating. I wanted to start over, delete my account and begin again with my new e-mail address keeping in touch only with the people I actually see on a fairly regular basis. But Facebook won't let me!!! It keeps telling me that there is something I'm the only owner to that I need to delete before closing my account. What the heck are you talking about! (So dumb!)

Schlitterbahn: Awesomeness! However, I'm not as young as I once was and just don't bounce back like I used to. LOL (Talk about tired Tuesday.)

My Husband: I am so in love with him!!! I'm still very blessed at how he dealt with my job situation. Thinking you have a job just to be turned down for the fourth time in a row was just too devastating. So what does he do? "Baby let's look at our budget, run the numbers and see if we can't get you out childcare." And we did. I was able to leave my job and don't plan on getting another one in Childcare ever again. I want to be a Mom, and taking care of other people's kids after 6 years or so is just too much for me!

Our New Car: I STILL love this awesome thing. I LOVE that i don't have to dig for my keys anymore. Love the gas savings, and LOVE the safety ratings it has for when we put babies in the back seat. (No this isn't happening anytime too soon but we like to think ahead.)

Our New Church: Getting involved in the Children's Worship ministry with my Husband has been a lot of fun... and if I end up getting paid for it, that would be AWESOME!!! I also might get a paid internship with our church this summer which would also be AWESOME!!!

The Near Future: I am always nervous when I think about this September and Ryan's Union Interview. I pray every night that God will start Him as a 3rd year instead of a first. It is probably my biggest prayer request right now.
See if Ryan starts as a 3rd year he will get at least a 3 dollar raise as well as other benefits and have 2 years less school to accomplish!!! This would mean us getting into a house and starting a family sooner than if he starts at the beginning.

I'm also already looking forward to the Holiday season. This year will be fabulous and I love family holidays.

That's all for now, I need to go make spaghetti for my hubby!