Right now I'm sitting in one of 12 reclining chairs at a medical study program. Right now there are four of us here. I could have sworn there were more when I got here but I think some of them were legal guardians who had to leave, and it's possible there are still more back in surgery.
I got two of my wisdom teeth removed this morning at about 8am and have yet to take the experimental pain medication. At this point the numbing sensation is being replaced by a dull throbbing feeling but it's not too bad. I look around and feel as though I'm miles above the rest of the patience here. I feel bad for the girl leaning forward in her chair, one hand on her head the other on her stomach. Everyone's expected to feel nauseous and we don't need to get into why but I don't feel so horrible. The other girls are trying to force themselves to sleep, one of them is obviously doing whatever she can to occupy herself and her thoughts.
Observing this and being here has caused me to see several things.
The first being how God provides. I went through two years of braces and appliances, embarrassing distorted words, drool, and worst of all the discomfort. But I got through those years, and horrible pictures, and now have a straight and pleasant smile. All four of my wisdom teeth needed to come out. My orthodontist had several reasons why. I didn't have any time in my schedule to do it when I first found out and then I found myself without dental insurance. And now in probably my greatest financial need I'm presented with the opportunity not only to get my wisdom teeth out for free but to be paid for testing pain medication. It's a win win. The one concern was the amount of possible discomfort.
That brings me to my second point. I look around and recognize that I'm on a completely different level than the other patience here, discomfort wise.
Yeah my jaw hurts and my stomach isn't totally up to par but I really don't feel that bad. I mean I haven't taken any pain medication yet.
I realized that this probably has something to do with my history.
I grew up with a really sensitive stomach and was often pretty sick as a little kid. Then I went through braces and became familiar with people's hands in my mouth and oral pain.
So it's almost like I went through training or preparation for this.
I see people around me in such agony and am grateful for God's strength and comfort.
I've seen lately, a lot of little things God has put in my life. Living is messy and littered with mistakes because we are human but God knows that and is never caught off guard.
I'm in a good church, have a fabulous family, and great close friends. I'm learning by living and realizing that I'm in a weird place. I'm not a kid anymore. I can drive, I can smoke (Though I choose not to.) I can do things like medical studies without parental consent, and the state recognizes me as an adult. However, being 18 doesn't make us all grown up. I still feel I have a long way to go before I'm really an adult. There's still so much that I cling to, that I need, that I'm unsure of, frustrated, and confused about, and yes adults deal with that too and it will probably be something I deal with to an extent for most of my life but in many ways I still feel too young to be an adult, thus I am a Kidult. Lost in the in between with Christ as my only real guide.
I used to hate that! It was so irritating, but I've learned that everything we go through is for a reason. God doesn't do anything needlessly. Whether I'm being prepared and strengthened for something later in life, or learning something hands on, or helping others without realizing it, it doesn't matter. God has the plans, which is good because I seem to do a pretty crappy job all by myself.
I'm so blessed with all that I have. I'm very grateful for all that God has given me and pray that I can continue to recognise his mercy and grace in my life.
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