4 Months Old

My sweet, adorable, and precious son turns four months old tomorrow. I didn't want to wait for the actual day to blog because my chances to do so are few and far between and there has been a lot on my mind about my little boy that I want to process via the therapeutic method of writing.

I don't know who all actually takes the time to read my blog and as I have a lot to process this is going to be a very tender and honest post and I do wonder what unkind thoughts and judgements might run through people's minds who don't know me very well or maybe just don't really like me. Perhaps I'm simply very insecure at the moment (It wouldn't surprise me, I am most critical of myself and most anxious and insecure about my Mothering.) SO with that precursor.... let me begin;

I LOVE LEVI! He is the most handsome baby boy I've ever seen (I might be biased) and nothing would make me think otherwise.
But it has come to our attention that he has a flat spot on the back of his head. About a month ago we asked his pediatrician about it and she did not seem concerned at all. She said it was fairly minor in comparison to the wide variety she sees and is very common these days as we put our babies on their backs to sleep. We also now have car seats that click in and out of our vehicles and swings and bouncers that all put babies on the backs of their heads. Some babies skulls are softer than others and for some reason boys are more likely to have this issue than girls.

So, I say all that to say, Levi has Brachycephaly (Flatness of the back of the head)
And as much as I explained all of the possible contributing factors I cannot help but feel like a failure as  mother. Did I or do I not hold him enough? Why didn't I educate myself about these things more? I wear him in the Ergo a lot, I thought I held him plenty, he even makes up in the night a lot and nurses on his side.... Had I known his sleep and play rocker and car seat played such a big role in all this I would not have let him spend as much time in either and since finding it out I put the rocker away and bought a new cars eat, have been putting Levi on either side to sleep and bought him a special pillow for when he is on his back during the day or in a swing, bouncer, or car seat so I have pretty much completely eliminated time on the back of his head. His pediatrician thinks that by doing these things we can reverse the flatness but if in a month or two we don't see good results we will look into a special helmet.
It's purely cosmetic, just the shape of his head, but if there is the slightest possibility it will bother him or make him insecure later and we can fix it while he is young I will do everything in my power to do so.

I love him and think he is perfect regardless of head shape but I want him to have the best and I want him to be confident and happy with himself.

I do more research every day and have a list of questions for his pediatrician at his 4 month check up and he has an evaluation with The Hanger Clinic on the 23rd.
I'm looking into exercises and cranial massages to add to our tummy and side time play and keeping him off the back of his head.
I'm also trying to give my anxiety and since of utter failure to my great gracious God and try not to think too much about it. I know I love my children and I am now very aware of how much attention I give to each of my children; verbally, physically, emotionally.

I'm trying to remember each day to give my anxieties to God and trust Him to equip me with what I need to be a good mommy to my precious children.