You are supposed to be a month filled with joy and peace and glad tidings! Unfortunately, I feel like you have failed to live up to said standard ... In my life at least... Or maybe it's just me, maybe there is something wrong with me.
And then I think not only on your month but this whole past year! And that's your fault too... I'm stuck assessing highlights and low lights.
Deciding to start a family :)
1st Anniversary :)
Galveston Vacation :)
Searching for a Church Home (and still not belonging) :(
Joe and Sara announce pregnancy : /
Horrible nanny job :(
Not so great Starbucks job : /
Bethany and George announce pregnancy : /
Begin Foster Application Process :)
First Placement; JJ and Big C : /
Big C goes home : /
Thanksgiving! :)
PCOS diagnosis :(
Second Foster Placement; Baby J :)
Baby J goes to Aunt :(
December and still not pregnant :,(
Last Thanksgiving Ryan and I sat down over breakfast and made a list of goals we wanted to accomplish in 2011. My number one goal that Ryan agreed with me on was to be gregnant by the end of the year... I'm afraid that's not going to happen... And for some reason, it being the end of a year makes it feel 20 times more devastating than anay other month we found out I still wasn't pregnant...
I am a Christian, I know God loves me, I know that He has the perfect timing for us, but I'm no fake, none of that helps right now! He may have the perfect timing but I don't like it! I want my timing! I'm tired of waiting and getting all sweet and loving with a newborn and on the same day getting him taken from me and finding out we are not pregnant... And just days before Christmas!?
Friday, December 23, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
I Am Master; Not Victim
"We are either masters or victims of our attitudes. It is a matter of personal choice. Who we today is the result of choices we made yesterday. Tomorrow, we will become what we choose today. Change means to choose to change." - John Maxwell
This quote is my battle cry this week!
It's been a while since I last blogged because I can't release very much info about our foster children online but we do have one foster baby right now and he is a joy! I found out that a second possible placement of two adorable little girls went to a different family so it may just be J and I for a little while. He has a court date this Friday and that should help us know how long we might get to have the little guy.
I was really bummed to find out about not getting the girls and placements have really slowed down as we get closer to the holidays but I'm mastering my emotions and attitude even on this minor level.
On a not so minor level I got some heavy news on Friday before we went to Houston and it's taken the whole weekend to process and get on top of the whole mastering my attitude and emotions rather than be victim to circumstances.
I have PCOS. This is another bump in the road to having our own little ones. It basically means my hormone levels are all screwed up which cause some really unattractive issues such as acne and weight gain as well as complicates trying to become pregnant.
These are the things that were really freaking me out and bringing me down to a victim mentality.
However, here is what I choose to concentrate on:
1.) struggling with my weight for almost two years now was not just me! I saw 2 doctors for weight issues and they both looked right over this! I knew something wasn't right!
2.) at least now we have a diagnosis for our fertility issues and can work on a better game plan.
3.) if this diagnosis was continuously overlooked and therefore left untreated it could lead to diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure and certain cancers.
I'm going back to the doctor tomorrow and will hopefully leave with a great plan of how we are going to conquer this.
I think the hardest thing for me right now is changing my diet. I've always done low cal, low fat diets to lose weight but because of this condition those diets don't work and my doctor wants me in a high protein, low carb diet but I also need to add plenty of fiber and cut out most sugars... That sounds great and healthy in theory but what does that look like in my kitchen? Literally! I don't know what to eat and the only thing I'm sure not to eat is anything bread like or that has heavy carbs listed on the package! I'm hoping my doctor can help get me started and lead me to some good literature to better understand how to live on a whole new food plan.
All in all I feel like, as difficult as some days, weeks, and even months can be, I do have a God who loves me, and is with me through it all.
This quote is my battle cry this week!
It's been a while since I last blogged because I can't release very much info about our foster children online but we do have one foster baby right now and he is a joy! I found out that a second possible placement of two adorable little girls went to a different family so it may just be J and I for a little while. He has a court date this Friday and that should help us know how long we might get to have the little guy.
I was really bummed to find out about not getting the girls and placements have really slowed down as we get closer to the holidays but I'm mastering my emotions and attitude even on this minor level.
On a not so minor level I got some heavy news on Friday before we went to Houston and it's taken the whole weekend to process and get on top of the whole mastering my attitude and emotions rather than be victim to circumstances.
I have PCOS. This is another bump in the road to having our own little ones. It basically means my hormone levels are all screwed up which cause some really unattractive issues such as acne and weight gain as well as complicates trying to become pregnant.
These are the things that were really freaking me out and bringing me down to a victim mentality.
However, here is what I choose to concentrate on:
1.) struggling with my weight for almost two years now was not just me! I saw 2 doctors for weight issues and they both looked right over this! I knew something wasn't right!
2.) at least now we have a diagnosis for our fertility issues and can work on a better game plan.
3.) if this diagnosis was continuously overlooked and therefore left untreated it could lead to diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure and certain cancers.
I'm going back to the doctor tomorrow and will hopefully leave with a great plan of how we are going to conquer this.
I think the hardest thing for me right now is changing my diet. I've always done low cal, low fat diets to lose weight but because of this condition those diets don't work and my doctor wants me in a high protein, low carb diet but I also need to add plenty of fiber and cut out most sugars... That sounds great and healthy in theory but what does that look like in my kitchen? Literally! I don't know what to eat and the only thing I'm sure not to eat is anything bread like or that has heavy carbs listed on the package! I'm hoping my doctor can help get me started and lead me to some good literature to better understand how to live on a whole new food plan.
All in all I feel like, as difficult as some days, weeks, and even months can be, I do have a God who loves me, and is with me through it all.
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