What an incredibly boring title to post under huh? Well, I'm not really sure what all this post will contain seeing as though I'm VERY behind in my blogging.
I haven't written or updated anything in quite some time and life has been fairly interesting.
Lately I have felt convicted and discouraged, but then motivated and encouraged. God is really good about hitting me hard when I need humbled or confronted about things and letting it sink in enough to really effect me but then help me back up and get me going on the right track.
Some of the things that happened this month seemed to be God getting my attention. It's like a conversation in a different language that I can only translate in hindsight. So looking back over this month this is what I translate:
Me- Ladee da dee dah, I'm so in love, I'm gonna be a photographer, I'm gonna have the perfectist happy life.... lalalalala...
God- Why don't I hear from you anymore? Have you become too busy for me?
Me- hmmm hmmm dum dee dum...
God- Do you not realize that everything you have is from me? I have plans for you, more than what you have for yourself. You're not listening like you used to...
(Some things transpire)
Me- God, where are you? I need you, things are going all wrong. I lost my job, school takes up so much time and I want to be spending it with Ryan. There's too much going on, we're moving again, Ryan started a new job and we don't have as much time as before and I need a job!
God- Why are you so anxious?
Me- Do you seriously want me to repeat all that?
God- I know exactly what's going on in your life. You don't trust me.
Me- I do too! ... I just... I want everything to be fixed... like... within the next 10 minutes.
God- I don't work like that.
Me- I know.
God- You've become too accustom to what I've given you.
Me- What do you mean?
God- You expect much of me but give me nothing. You have become selfish again, lost sight of where your passion and focus used to be. You're becoming luke warm, mediocre at best. Do you not remember what I've brought you from? I saved you from a darkness that you created, a darkness you were drowning in. Do you remember?
Me- Yes... It was horrible... I was horrible.
God- And when I brought you out, you begin to work. You, in my power in strength, began to turn things around. You put yourself behind others, you wanted to serve me, even became judicious and purposeful in daily walks with me, reading my word and speaking to me. You had convictions and direction in what being my child means and looks like, and you strived for excellence.
Me- I forgot... I miss that... I want to be on fire for you. I want that passion again. I want your wisdom and understanding and discipline. God I'm sorry.
God- Let's get back to that place, I'll give you what you ask for. You'll learn from my word and become sensitive to my spirit once again.
Okay so as corney a presentation this is, it's where I am. Over the past two days I've heard four incredible sermons, had some amazing prayer times, and some very productive Bible reading.
You know how freaking hot it is right now? Well it's like, when you go running in the morning, and it's still over 90 degrees, and when you get back, you're tired, hot and dehydrated but someone's left your favorite gatorade in the fridge, cranked up the AC, and prepped the bathroom for a shower.... no, actually it's WAY more intense than that but it's really good.
Maybe it's like having the best most refreshing drink available to you when you are the most thirsty.
I don't know, play with some imagery that works for you and get some time with Jesus today! :)
